


First Day on the Job

by FIVEpoint9



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mexico City Wild Wings (Blaseball Team) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29956365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FIVEpoint9/pseuds/FIVEpoint9
Summary: Roscoe didn't expect a career change so suddenly, but in this game anything can happen.
Kudos: 9





	First Day on the Job

It was the top of the forth, and the phone rang on my desk. It was easier to get work done while the games were being played. Everyone was usually too distracted to bother me, and with the deadline for next seasons renovations for the Bucket coming up, I needed as few distractions as possible. And the sharp, sudden ring of that phone was quite the distraction. “Y’ello?” I asked into the receiver, hoping it was just another Cell with ‘ideas’ about putting bathrooms on the ceiling.

A shrill static came over the line. “Get down to the dugout. Now.” The voice could barely be heard over the distortion. I really wish the Saucerers would tone it down with the theatrics, but as long as they keep paying the bills they can be as creepy as they want. “A’ight, I’ll head rignt down. Do you want me to bring the new plans or…?” The voice replied, “NOW.”

I hung up and started heading up to the field as fast as I could. The whole stadium was quiet, way too quiet for the middle of a game. The only sound was the cries of a few Cells as I passed by. As I got closer to the dugout, a couple of Cells rushed by with a gurney, and I suddenly got a sinking feeling in my guts for what I was called down for.

As I entered the dugout, Brock was waiting for me. “When you got hired, did you sign all the papers?” he asked, before I even stopped moving.

“Of course I did.”

“ALL of them?”

“Yes, all of them! What, you don’t think I can fill out paperwork?”

He let out a heavy sigh. “Then you’re in the Relief Player Program and have already turned in your waiver. Here,” he handed me a jersey, a glove, and a hat, “put these on and get out there. You’re shortstop now.” I tried to argue, “But-”

“𝓟𝓛𝓐𝓨 𝓜𝓤𝓢𝓣 𝓒𝓞𝓝𝓣𝓘𝓝𝓤𝓔” the umpire standing next to us boomed. I nearly jumped out my skin! I don’t know when it got there, but I felt its eyes(?) boring through me from behind that mask. It walked back toward home plate and Brock looked back at me, pleading. “We gotta get out there. Don’t worry about how you play, as long as you’re here, it’s fine. We’ll pro-… We’ll do our best to protect you.” He pulled down his catcher’s mask and headed out on to the field.

Well! I guessed that was that then. My team needed me, and I wasn’t one to leave them behind. I tugged on the jersey, slipped on the glove and jogged out to the field. If this was going to be my job now, I’d damn well be the best at it!

“Alright, fellas, let’s do this!” I yelled out to my teammates. None of them even bothered to look at me. Stephanie was trembling on the mound. I decided to try and scrape some holes out of the top of the hat I was given so I could at least fit them over my antlers when I noticed the scorch mark I was standing in. That sinking feeling came back.

“𝓟𝓛𝓐𝓨 𝓑𝓐𝓛𝓛” the umpire bellowed. Steph jolted at the sound, wound up, and let fly the fasted pitch I’ve ever seen. Strike three, batter out. That’s right, I thought, we’ll get through this funk.

The next pitch connected and sailed into the bleachers.

-

“So when am I up? Can’t wait to blow these guys away!” We were at bat and I was ready to get in the action. I was sure if I could just show them how good I was, they’d all cheer up.

“We’ll let you know when it’s your time,” Summers said, pushing me gently to the end of the dugout. “In the meantime, why don’t you spend some time with our batting coach?” There at the end was a CRT TV with a grainy instructional video playing on it, and a harpy sitting in front of it.

“Hi, I’m Cell! Is it your first day too?” the harpy asked, rocking back and forth on her knees.

“Yep! The name’s Roscoe! I just got called up on the roster. Guess someone saw my real potential and wanted to put me in the limelight. I mean, I haven’t really played at all since blittle league but that don’t matter none. Once I set my mind to something, I make sure to be the best there is at it. And mark my words, I will bring this team up-”

“Cell! You’re up!” Ronan yelled.

Cell hopped up and trotted to grab a bat. “Nice to meetcha! Good luck out there!”

I watched the mustachioed man from the 80s show me the proper stance until we were back out of on the field.

-

In the fifth inning, Axel nudged me while I was watching the video. “You’re up after me, newbie. Just try to do what I do and you’ll be golden.” He winked at me, or at least I think he did, it was hard to see behind his sunglasses, before popping a dum-dum in his mouth and going up to the plate. Ugh, I thought, who does he think he is. That was answered pretty quickly when he swung the bat with one hand and made it to first base. It was…

SO  
COOL!

I knew I had to show just how cool I could be after a show like that, so I swaggered over to the bat rack and picked one up. It almost fell out of my hands immediately. The thing was almost twice as long as my arm, for crying out loud! Maybe I wouldn’t try the one handed swing just yet, but I’d still show them I could hang in the big leagues. I walked up to the plate, squared my shoulders like the video said, and waited for the pitch. When it came, I swung hard and felt the ball connect on the bat, sending a shock through my shoulder. I hit it! I hit it… right into the glove of the right fielder.

I passed Summers heading to the plate on my way back to the dugout. She patted me on the shoulder and said “Good try.” Before I even sat down, she had hit one over the fence.

-

I made it to the end of the game without even getting on first base. I didn’t even field the ball once either. We couldn’t catch up with the Spies and lost, ten to six. Nothing I did helped in any way. Still, I couldn’t let that dampen our moods. “Good game, everyone! Good work! Great spirit out there! Good hustle!”

“What’s so damn good about it?” Fran snapped as she shoved past me on the way to the locker room. The push knocked me off balance and I fell right on my rear in front of everyone. The rest of the team followed behind her, no one saying a word.

I just wanted to go back to my blueprints, to where I knew I was a rock star and could really shine.

Then a hand reached down to help me up. “Don’t mind her. It’s not you she’s angry at.” I grabbed Axel’s hand and got back onto my feet. “It’ll probably be a while until she calms down. A long while.”

I brushed myself off. “Thanks. I guess I’ll see you at tomorrow’s game.” I started to walk off before he called back.

“Me and the Watsons were going to be having dinner over at Burke’s place. Wanna come over? I’ll talk to some of the others, see if we can put together an informal welcome aboard thing for you.”

I thought it over for a second, then said, “Sure, I’d like that. Thanks,” before heading back to my office to get changed. This definitely wasn’t the best first day on the job, but I guess it could have been worse.

**Author's Note:**

> Roscoe didn't get Burke's address after leaving and got lost to the dinner.


End file.
